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Thoughts From Dolores Curran

Dear Friends,

There is much going on in our world that has many alarmed, saddened, conflicted, angry, and unsure what to think. Some posts I’ve seen online from prominent Christian leaders are speaking about this being the “end” leading to Christ’s return. Yet, as I was thinking about all that, I spotted a handout I use in premarital counselling on a pile on my desk. The heading is: “The 14 Traits of A Healthy Family.”

It’s not a deflection from addressing all that’s going on, but a plea to remember that despite all that’s happening, there are still marriages or families that need help. There are families going through difficult times. There are children who still need direction. Children need to feel safe, see healthy relationships, and be taught healthy ways of responding or living in such stressful times – maybe even more so in these stressful times.  


Therefore, I offer you these helpful insights to improve family health. They are the result of compiling a survey sent out by the nationally recognized columnist, educator and author, Delores Curran. She sent out 500 questionnaires to professional teachers, pastors, pediatricians, social workers, and counsellors, asking them to give her the traits they found in healthy families. She received 550 surveys back! People photocopied the survey and gave it to others who also sent those copies back! All Curran did was compile those results in her book, “Traits of a Healthy Family.” She did not place them in the order she thought they should be in, but the order revealed by compiling all the surveys.


I encourage the couples I counsel to laminate the handout and put it on their refrigerator with a magnet! I also advise that if they go through a time of relational struggle or conflict, they should look over the list to see which trait is missing and seek to include it or shore it up. I do believe every single one is important, though I may (like others) change the order of their importance. Enjoy.

The 14 Traits of a Healthy Family and Marriage

I. The Healthy Family:

1. Communicates and listens, seeking to understand each other.
2. Affirms, supports, and shows appreciation for each other.
3. Teaches honoring, respecting and valuing each other (and others in general).
4. Develops a sense of play, fun and laughter.



5. Fosters responsibility and exhibits a sense of shared responsibilities.
6. Teaches a sense of right and wrong.
7. Has a strong sense of family, where rituals and traditions abound and are celebrated.
8. Has a balance of interaction among all the members.
9. Has a shared faith or religious core.



10. Respects the privacy of one another.
11. Values service to each other and the wider community.
12. Fosters eating together as a family along with conversation and sharing about the day.
13. Shares leisure and vacations times together.
14. Admits to and seeks help for personal and family problems with trustworthy and helpful individuals.



I hope they help. I hope every single one is present in your marriages or families. And if not, I encourage you to consider each one seriously. They couldn’t hurt!

With the hope they will be beneficial, Pastor Jeff 

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