Thoughts From Allen R. Hunt

Dear Friends,

Today’s “thought” has to do with forgiveness. The forgiveness offered by a husband to his wayward wife. A forgiveness which led to her own restoration. In fact, it was a forgiveness so profound that she would later confess that if it were her, and the situation were reversed, “I do not think I could have done that.” It is found in the book, “Everybody Needs to Forgive Somebody” by Allen R. Hunt, a collection of 11 stories of forgiveness.

As Christians we all need to hear such stories. We need to be challenged by them. As followers of Jesus who are told, “If you do not forgive people their sins, Your Father will not forgive your sins,” (Mt. 6:15), and are people called to “forgive 70 times seven” (which means a limitless number of times - Mt. 18:22) we have often found every excuse not to. Here is the true story of one man who took Jesus’ words seriously – as we all should – and changed the lives of at least 6 people forever. Enjoy.

Millie
“Married at the age of 18, Millie grew restless ten years later. With three kids to care for, and all the weight of adulthood bearing down on her shoulders, she soon found excitement in the arms of another man. For four months she met this man clandestinely, and their passionate love affair gripped her entire life, both body and spirit. After four months of meeting her lover in motels and parked cars, Millie left her husband and three children and moved in with her lover.

They set up house in the same town, just a few miles away from her husband and kids. Millie’s husband was devastated, but he refused to give up on her, their vows, and their family. He wrote her notes. He left her messages. On one occasion, he physically picked her up in his car and took her to church to meet with their pastor. But Millie rejected all of his efforts, even going as far as telling the pastor, “I don’t need you. I don’t want this. I am finished with all of you.”

For nearly a year Millie reveled in her newfound freedom. No kids. No responsibilities. Just the passion and thrill of being in love with someone new. Or so she thought. On a Wednesday morning Millie woke up – in more ways than one. That morning reality sank in. Millie’s mind was focused, and she thought, “What have I done?” She knew. She had made the biggest mistake of her life. She had taken a man who loved her unconditionally, and the children they had created together, and ditched them on the side of the road like a used cigarette butt. The crushing wave of what she had chosen to do washed over her. And she decided “I am going home.”

Millie had no expectation that her husband would forgive her. She merely wanted to come home. That was all. To be back in the orbit where she belonged. Whether she could set things right or not did not matter, because at least she would be home. She pulled into the driveway and went to the front door. She heard the kids playing in the backyard and stood there on the doorstep for a very long time. It was Wednesday night, at the time right before her husband and children would leave to attend church. After what felt like a decade, Millie knocked on the door. Her husband opened the front door, and Millie could not look up at him. She was shaking and ashamed. Her husband came to the door and took the first step. He placed his hands on Millie’s face, held up her chin, looked into her eyes and said, “Welcome home.” She responded, “I wanna come home.” He pulled her small body to him and that was it.

They prayed. Millie cried. He cried. They went to church together that night. And their pastor, whom Millie had verbally dismissed and rejected those months before, threw open his arms and said, ‘Welcome home Millie. I’m so glad you’re here.’ Those were only the first welcomes Millie received. Open arms soon came from her parents-in-law, as well as from other members of the church.

A week later, Millie discovered that she was pregnant. The news meant one obvious thing: She was carrying the child of her lover. Adultery. Illegitimate child. Husband. Three children depending on her. Needless to say, Millie was broken by the news. The gravity of her mistake crushed her world. One week at home, one week of moving toward making all things right, and now this. An unexpected and fully unwanted pregnancy with a child who would be a permanent reminder of the biggest mistake she had ever made and the very real and deep pain she had inflicted on her family. She knew what she wanted to do – end the pregnancy.

That evening Millie broke the news to her husband. Like he had done on the doorstep of their home a week before, he looked her in the eye and said, “This is going to be all right.” Millie shared that she did not believe she could go through with the pregnancy. The living reminder of her adultery was simply too great to bear. He told her they would make something wonderful from the pain and raise the baby together. Fortunately, her lover did not want anything to do with the child, and now Millie and her husband have a lovely four-year-old daughter…

Some people who know ask Millie’s husband, “How could you have taken her back? How could you have forgiven her?” He replies the same way each time: “You know, with all that Christ did to forgive me, how could I look at my wife, the woman he gave me to love, and say, ‘You’ve done something so horrible that I can’t forgive you after all that’s been forgiven me.” Her husband’s generous forgiveness brought her home again, this time to stay…

For Millie, the harder part was to forgive herself. That has taken a few years. In her words, as she shared on my radio program, “It’s something I still struggle with. A few months into the relationship with the other man I felt I couldn’t go back home. I felt I was too bad. I didn’t deserve my husband. The whole time he had made it known he was waiting for me. He had left messages. He had left me notes saying, ‘I’m not giving up on us. This is not where you belong. This is not who you are.’ It was just so overwhelming.

For Millie it became a perfect picture of who God is.

Millie assumed it would take a long time to build up trust and to do all the repair work on her relationship. ‘From the beginning I would call him if I thought I was going to be late at work and I would let him know where I was. But I never felt doubted. He never threw it up in my face. There was never any of that. The hard part was forgiving myself.”

When did she feel forgiven by God? “I knew when I went home. I saw that grace. I saw that mercy. It only comes from God. As humans we do not come by that naturally. I don’t think I could do that either. It’s horrible to say, but if the situation were reversed, I do not think I could do that. I don’t think I have that in me. It was so devastating, and it was the most horrible, horrible thing. But my husband is now the baby’s father. Yes, he is.”

Her husband’s forgiveness, inspired by the forgiveness of God, opened the path to a restored relationship and a unified future together as a family. His forgiveness did not make him forget Millie’s mistake; his forgiveness allowed him to move past it.”

The question is: Could you do the same? Would you? Are we really called to? Did Jesus really mean that we must forgive, and do so an infinite number of times?

Living in His All-sufficient Grace, Pastor Jeff