Humorus Thoughts

Dear Friends,

I officiated at a wedding this past Saturday. In the message I spoke about 6 necessary ingredients for a healthy marriage, the 4th being, "Laugh & Do Fun Things Together.” Yet, as I shared that point, I mentioned I have not always been very good at that, since I tend to take life seriously. I even mentioned how I still need to work on that – a point on which my wife Nancy agreed!

So, today I decided to do something I’ve never done since I started sending out these thoughts out 16 years ago today (the first was sent out on June 25, 2008, making about 800 to date)! I’m going to try my hand at humor. If it’s a disaster, please let me know and I will avoid any forays into it again! I have tried telling jokes from the pulpit, but usually no one laughs until I tell them it was a joke – then they laugh! I’ve selected some I hope will bring a smile to your face. If not, please forgive me! Enjoy.

“In the 1800’s a Presbyterian minister in Scotland was asked by his friend (a Baptist minister in town) if he would be available to cover for him as he went away on Sabbatical. The Presbyterian minister agreed. A short time later he was notified that a long-time member of the Baptist church had passed away and they asked if he might do the man’s funeral. Not sure what his Presbytery would think of such a thing, he asked if it was ok for him as a Presbyterian to do the service for a Baptist. The response came back: “We met. That will be fine. Bury all the Baptists you can.”

“Little Elsie and her aunt Jean were at the art gallery where they stood before an enormous painting of the Christians being thrown to the lions in the Roman colosseum. Suddenly Elsie burst into tears. Aunt Jean tried to comfort her. “Sad isn’t it? said her aunt. “Yes,” cried Elsie, “there’s a little lion not getting any.”

“The pastor of a church had gone out to Africa as a missionary, and while serving there was killed by his native assistant. Wishing to honor their late pastor, the church members placed a large brass plaque on the wall of the church which read:
“In Memory of Rev. Joseph Prior
Our missionary,
Who while serving his Lord in Africa,
Was killed by his assistant.
“Well Done Thou Good and Faithful Servant.”

“Long after midnight a burglar entered the home of a poor country pastor. As the burglar was fumbling through some drawers, he suddenly realized the parson had entered the room. Swinging around and pointing his pistol at the clergyman, the burglar said: ‘Don’t move or you’re a dead man. I’m hunting for your money.’ ‘Well, I’ll be!’ said the minister, ‘I can see you are a man of great faith! How about letting me search for it with you?!’ “

Church Signs:

“Honk If You Love Jesus, Text While Driving If You Want To Meet Him Today.”

“This Church Is Not Full of Hypocrites, There Is Always Room for One More.”

“I Don’t Know Why Some People Change Churches. What Difference Does It Make Which One You Stay Home from?”

“The Church Is Like Fudge, Sweet With a Few Nuts.”

“Some People Never Pray Until They See a Cop Making a U-turn.”

“Do You Know What Hell Is? Come Listen To Our Pastor This Sunday.”

 

Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: Certainly not! There’s no proof of it.
Boss: Well, there is now! After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral, he came here looking for you.

True Story from 1988 when I was two years into ministry at my first church and 32 years old:

I was preaching through 1st Corinthians, when I got to chapter 6 where Paul speaks about lawsuits, and how, “one brother was going to court against another, and that in front of unbelievers,” I used (anonymously) a true example of a friend who was at the time being sued. He was cruising along when the driver two cars in front of him jammed on his brakes, the one immediately following did the same, and he followed suit. There was not any great damage to any car, and after exchanging their information they all left the scene. Then, almost a year later, my friend got a letter in the mail from a lawyer saying he was being sued by the driver immediately in front of him for $150,000 for lost work time, and for another $50,000 because his wife needed a neck brace, and he lost her sexual privileges for one week. Then (totally unplanned and off-script) I paused, thought about that, and said out loud, “$50,000 for one week’s sexual privileges – she must have been quite some woman…” The younger people chuckled, but I can still see the faces and hear the gasps from the older ladies!

So, there you have it. My attempt at humor, laughter, and having a little fun! Some might say I should stick to the more serious type of thoughts (you be the judge, it’s not my forte so I won't be offended)! Yet, I must point out that the Bible does encourage clean humor and laughter. Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us, “There is a time to weep and a time to laugh.” Proverbs 17:22 says, “Laughter is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” And again, Proverbs 15:15 says, “He who has a merry heart has a continual feast.”

Hoping I was able to give you the smallest portion of good medicine, Pastor Jeff