Dear Friends,
Is your church a safe place to express your emotions? Obviously the answers will range from “yes,” to “no,” to “the one I used to attend was not,” to “the one I now attend is working on that,” to “I’m not sure mine ever will be,” and others I am sure. The answers will be as varied as the person who responds.
This “thought” from Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton from their book, “More Jesus, Less Religion – Moving from Rules to Relationships” addresses that issue in Chapter 7. I have edited and condensed some of the material trying to keep it short enough that you hopefully will not pass it over, but including enough to make it truly helpful. Enjoy!
“If Jesus attended your church this Sunday, would he be shunned, criticized, or quietly avoided because of his open displays of emotion? Would you and I feel, well, a little uncomfortable – maybe even embarrassed – in the presence of such strong and spontaneous expressions as his anger at the temple money changers, his grief over the spiritual condition of Jerusalem, or his deep agony of soul in the garden? In many churches I think there is a good chance he would be shamed or taken to task for such conduct [especially if he came incognito]… He might be told to ‘get a grip.’ Asked where his faith was? Reminded he is to ‘rejoice always.’ Told to ‘claim his peace,’ or simply ‘praise God anyway,’ or remember that, ‘all things work together for good…’ Can’t you just hear such comments being made – or at least muttered under someone’s breath?
Some of us might feel Jesus didn’t really live up to our image of a ‘true man of God.” The Son of God himself would likely be criticized for not, ‘snapping out of it’ or ‘having enough faith.’ The truth is, of course, his faith was off the charts! In fact, Jesus had perfect faith and was absolutely sinless. Yet he allowed himself to experience the heights and depths of human emotion. He knew the mountaintops of great joy and the blackest chasms of depression and sorrow. He did not suppress his anger, choke off his tears, or mask his depression. He did not fear speaking from the deepest longings of His heart. He was a ‘man of sorrows and acquainted with grief’ (Isaiah 53:3). He was (and is) passionate without apology…
So were some of our spiritual ancestors. The David who, ‘danced with all his might before the Lord,’ also wrote, ‘I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow, they fail because of all my foes’ (Psalm 6:6-7). ‘My tears,’ said another, ‘have become my food day and night’ (Psalm 42:3).
When Christ walked the earth, he expressed his emotions freely and without shame. It’s too bad so few of us choose to follow his example… In our culture, it seems more acceptable for men to be angry than to be sad. So, we stumble through life without understanding our feelings, and completely out of touch with our emotions. We are deeply grieved by our unrealized expectations, and sense of inadequacy, but we don’t feel safe acknowledging our sadness. We show anger but never the deep hurt and sadness underneath it. When we feel sad, anger becomes a safe retreat. It causes adrenaline to rush through us. The payoff is not just that we avoid looking weak, but that we also feel different because of the chemicals surging through our bodies. The more adrenaline we pump into anger, the less sadness we are forced to feel. However, this lack of grieving poisons us.
Of course, the Bible offers no precedent for men suppressing their deepest hurts and sorrows… They would ‘wail’ (rip their clothes, pound their chest, yell loudly, and shed tears with deep anguish) before the Lord to process their shame and pain. That extremely freeing experience allowed them to express their emotions to the full degree and then move on without the baggage of negative feelings… Healthy faith affirms passionate emotion; unhealthy faith denies people the chance to feel what they really feel. Healthy churches are healing centers where we can express our true feelings as well as find prayer support, accountability, appropriate forgiveness, and cleansing. Unhealthy churches are populated with plastic saints who look good, say all the right things, and support an image of perfectionism. Every problem must be wiped away with a quick, ‘Praise the Lord!’ Real feelings are abandoned for the ‘good’ ones supporting the myth that the truly faithful are free of problems. After all, revealing problems or struggles would indicate weakness and a lack of faith… They want to live in a world where everything is fixed with a great sermon or a quick prayer…
Genuine, healthy Christianity, however, is able to embrace who we are as human beings. God knows your struggles, your heartache, your brokenness. He does not reject you because you have needs or feel strong flash floods of emotion. Instead, he wants to point you to godly resources to meet those needs…and ultimately to himself. He made you. Who could understand you better than he? God created us as emotional beings. He created us with needs. The key is that he wants every one of those needs to point us back to him. The ability to show genuine emotion is a hallmark of a healthy faith. Zombielike responses to human tragedy or pain do not grow out of authentic faith but are often symptomatic of toxic faith. Genuine Christian experience encourages believers to, ‘rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep’ (Romans 12:15). It validates the entire range of human emotion… And as Paul noted, we who experience suffering and hurt, and then feel the comfort of Christ, are the ones best qualified to administer first aid to others.”
May we learn what it means to be like Christ and our spiritual forefathers in this regard, and thus reap the healing benefits that come when our true and sometimes repressed feelings come out before the God who knows they are there anyway. Then, as Arterburn states, they can stop poisoning our spirit, or making us numb to the pain, struggles, and weaknesses that we (like others) all have.
Lord, help us cast all our cares (and emotional baggage) upon You, knowing You care for us, Pastor Jeff
Is your church a safe place to express your emotions? Obviously the answers will range from “yes,” to “no,” to “the one I used to attend was not,” to “the one I now attend is working on that,” to “I’m not sure mine ever will be,” and others I am sure. The answers will be as varied as the person who responds.
This “thought” from Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton from their book, “More Jesus, Less Religion – Moving from Rules to Relationships” addresses that issue in Chapter 7. I have edited and condensed some of the material trying to keep it short enough that you hopefully will not pass it over, but including enough to make it truly helpful. Enjoy!
“If Jesus attended your church this Sunday, would he be shunned, criticized, or quietly avoided because of his open displays of emotion? Would you and I feel, well, a little uncomfortable – maybe even embarrassed – in the presence of such strong and spontaneous expressions as his anger at the temple money changers, his grief over the spiritual condition of Jerusalem, or his deep agony of soul in the garden? In many churches I think there is a good chance he would be shamed or taken to task for such conduct [especially if he came incognito]… He might be told to ‘get a grip.’ Asked where his faith was? Reminded he is to ‘rejoice always.’ Told to ‘claim his peace,’ or simply ‘praise God anyway,’ or remember that, ‘all things work together for good…’ Can’t you just hear such comments being made – or at least muttered under someone’s breath?
Some of us might feel Jesus didn’t really live up to our image of a ‘true man of God.” The Son of God himself would likely be criticized for not, ‘snapping out of it’ or ‘having enough faith.’ The truth is, of course, his faith was off the charts! In fact, Jesus had perfect faith and was absolutely sinless. Yet he allowed himself to experience the heights and depths of human emotion. He knew the mountaintops of great joy and the blackest chasms of depression and sorrow. He did not suppress his anger, choke off his tears, or mask his depression. He did not fear speaking from the deepest longings of His heart. He was a ‘man of sorrows and acquainted with grief’ (Isaiah 53:3). He was (and is) passionate without apology…
So were some of our spiritual ancestors. The David who, ‘danced with all his might before the Lord,’ also wrote, ‘I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow, they fail because of all my foes’ (Psalm 6:6-7). ‘My tears,’ said another, ‘have become my food day and night’ (Psalm 42:3).
Of course, the Bible offers no precedent for men suppressing their deepest hurts and sorrows… They would ‘wail’ (rip their clothes, pound their chest, yell loudly, and shed tears with deep anguish) before the Lord to process their shame and pain. That extremely freeing experience allowed them to express their emotions to the full degree and then move on without the baggage of negative feelings… Healthy faith affirms passionate emotion; unhealthy faith denies people the chance to feel what they really feel. Healthy churches are healing centers where we can express our true feelings as well as find prayer support, accountability, appropriate forgiveness, and cleansing. Unhealthy churches are populated with plastic saints who look good, say all the right things, and support an image of perfectionism. Every problem must be wiped away with a quick, ‘Praise the Lord!’ Real feelings are abandoned for the ‘good’ ones supporting the myth that the truly faithful are free of problems. After all, revealing problems or struggles would indicate weakness and a lack of faith… They want to live in a world where everything is fixed with a great sermon or a quick prayer…
Genuine, healthy Christianity, however, is able to embrace who we are as human beings. God knows your struggles, your heartache, your brokenness. He does not reject you because you have needs or feel strong flash floods of emotion. Instead, he wants to point you to godly resources to meet those needs…and ultimately to himself. He made you. Who could understand you better than he? God created us as emotional beings. He created us with needs. The key is that he wants every one of those needs to point us back to him. The ability to show genuine emotion is a hallmark of a healthy faith. Zombielike responses to human tragedy or pain do not grow out of authentic faith but are often symptomatic of toxic faith. Genuine Christian experience encourages believers to, ‘rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep’ (Romans 12:15). It validates the entire range of human emotion… And as Paul noted, we who experience suffering and hurt, and then feel the comfort of Christ, are the ones best qualified to administer first aid to others.”
May we learn what it means to be like Christ and our spiritual forefathers in this regard, and thus reap the healing benefits that come when our true and sometimes repressed feelings come out before the God who knows they are there anyway. Then, as Arterburn states, they can stop poisoning our spirit, or making us numb to the pain, struggles, and weaknesses that we (like others) all have.
Lord, help us cast all our cares (and emotional baggage) upon You, knowing You care for us, Pastor Jeff
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