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Thoughts on Independence and Self Esteem


Dear Friends,


Today I wanted to post a couple "thoughts" for you to ponder. Some may disagree with the content of one or both -- that is inevitable when what is said is different that we often assume. But I felt they were worth putting out there. All I ask is that you consider them. Think about them. Ponder them. And how there may be an element of truth in them. In fact, if there is an element of truth in them, how will you adjust your thinking and perspective and habits to align with that truth? Enjoy.


The first thought (used with permission) was sent to me by a man who realized that his "fiercely independent spirit" had done irreparable damage to his relationship with his wife and was hurting his relationship with God. Preaching to himself (as I call it) he wrote to a friend:


"Even in my marriage I was too independent. I spent much "alone time" with God. No!!! Wrong!! It is always a 'we' thing and not just a 'me' thing! It is not "Lord teach ME to pray." It's 'Lord, teach US to pray.' 'My Father in heaven?" No! "OUR Father in heaven." "I wrestle not against flesh and blood?' No! 'WE wrestle not against flesh and blood.' 'It is good for a man to be alone?' 'All a person needs is me,' says the Lord? No!!! 'It is not good for man to be alone... I will make a suitable companion for him.' Did Jesus send the disciples out individually? NO! He sent them out two-by-two! "If TWO agree as touching anything they shall ask, it will be done for them..." 'If TWO or THREE gather in my name, there I will be in their midst...' "But you (it's plural, you as a group) shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you (plural, as a group), and you (plural, as a group) shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea...." We are tio work together at evangelism. "From Him the WHOLE BODY, joined and knitted together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love as each part does its work..."



The Christian faith does not encourage us to be rugged, lone-ranger, solitary, fiercely independent, go it alone type people concerned only with our own private relationship with God and Christ Jesus. Christianity is about being part of a community. We are converted into the Church; joined to a fellowship of believers, to be part of a called out people. We are made part of a congregation of the faithful. A body - THE Body of Christ. We even distort the teachings and admonitions of Scripture when we apply them only to ourselves as individuals, instead of us as a family of inter-connected, interrelated and interdependent people working together to further the plans and purposes of God. Biblical Christianity can only be rightly understood when looked at through a communal rather than individualistic lens.


The following selection comes from Tim Keller in his book, "The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness" (which would be well worth your time to browse through)!


"Up until the twentieth century, traditional cultures (and this is still true of most cultures around the world) always believed that too high a view of yourself was the root cause of all the evil in the world. What is the reason for most of the crime and violence in the world? Why are people abused? Why are people cruel? Why do people do the bad things they do? Traditionally, the answer was "hubris" - the Greek word meaning pride or too high a view of yourself. Traditionally, that was the reason given for why people misbehave.


But in our modern western culture, we have developed an utterly opposite cultural consensus. The basis of contemporary education, the way we treat incarcerated prisoners, the foundation of most western legislation and the starting point for modern counselling is exactly the opposite of the traditional consensus. Our belief today -- and it is deeply rooted in everything -- is that people misbehave for lack of self-esteem and because they have too low a view of themselves. For example, the reason husbands beat their wives, and the reason people are criminals, is because they have too low a view of themselves. People used to think it was because they had too high a view of themselves and had too much self-esteem. Now we say it is because we have too little self-esteem.


A few years ago, there was an article in the New York Times magazine by psychologist Lauren Slater called, "The Trouble with Self-Esteem." It wasn't a ground-breaking article or a bolt out of the blue. She was simply beginning to report what experts have known for years. The significant thing she says is that there is no evidence that low self-esteem is a big problem in society. She quotes three current studies into the subject of self-esteem, all of which reach this conclusion and she states that, 'people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem, and feeling bad about yourself is not the source of our country's biggest, most expensive social problems."


It would be fun to explain how that works, and why that works, and so on. But, for now, let's just say she is right when she says it will take years and years for us to accept this. It is so deeply rooted in our psyche that lack of self-esteem is the reason why there is drug addiction, the reason why there is crime, wife beating and so forth. Slater says it is going to take forever for this view to change. You see, the thing about 'low self-esteem theory of misbehavior' is that it is very attractive. You do not have to make any moral judgments in order to deal with society's problems. All you have to do is support people and build them up. In traditional cultures the way you dealt with these problems was that you clamped down on people and convicted them and called them bad. The Gospel gives us an approach that is absolutely different from both the traditional and the modern/postmodern self-esteem cultures. Utterly different." (And you will have to read the book to find out how!)



Resting in His Grace, Pastor Jeff









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